For long as I can remember I've associated New Years with making resolutions. You know, all sorts of lofty ideas about things that would change dramatically on the first of the year and somehow last for 364 days thereafter. Honestly, that doesn't make a lot of sense to me because January first is really just another day, and January second is even more ordinary. Vowing to make dramatic changes or give things up isn't magically easier on New Years. Plus, you set yourself up for failure if your resolutions are broken early on. When this happens it can lead to self-judgement, which definitely does not help anyone achieve goals.
So, is there a better way to channel the spirit of new beginnings and get your family off to a great start in the New Year? Absolutely! Ditch your resolutions and set intentions instead. This may sound like a game of semantics, but when you and your family step away from rigid, all-or-nothing resolutions and focus on things you intend to do or work towards in 2017, the impact is powerful. Resolutions are absolute (think, I'm going to exercise five times a week or I'm giving up ice cream). Intentions are clear, but less rigid (think, I want to live a more active lifestyle or I'll try to make healthier food choices as often as possible). Resolutions are about doing things, no matter what, and once you've done that specific thing you're successful. On the flip side, if you don't do that specific thing, you're not successful. The focus is on the outcome and that sounds harsh. Intentions, on the other hand, start from where you are right now without judgement. It's not that staying the same is failure or lack of success, but that moving toward something new is worth your effort and energy. When you set intentions the focus is on the process, on how you work toward what you desire (whether or not you officially get there!). This creates a sense of commitment and dedication to intentions that will help you and your kids persevere even when it's tough (because sometimes it will be). How do you make this happen? Here's how we do it at my house. On New Year's Day (after everyone is somewhat rested and well fed), we sit down and everyone makes a list of five intentions for the new year. When my kids were younger they would draw or write what they could and we would fill in as needed. We don't tell each other what to write (no matter how temping it is to suggest that my kids intend to keep their rooms clean or actually get in the shower when they say they're getting in the shower). And when we're done, we share our intentions. They go in an envelope and we read them again periodically throughout the year (if we were super organized, they may even be posted somewhere visible in the house). That's our system, and what I see happen is pretty fantastic. My kids set intentions and then work toward bringing them to life. They intend to do things, see things, and achieve things and because there's no pressure to do it exactly right or every single second, having intentions becomes fun and empowering. As a parent, that's the best part. I want my kids to know that they can decide to works toward things at any time (not just at New Years), and I don't want them to approach a brand new January with dread and self-judgement having to resolve to be different in order to be successful or worthy. And, the entire process works much better for me too! So, try this new way of ringing in the new year and see what your kids come up with. They may surprise you when they share their intentions and you may surprise yourself when you chart out those five things that truly deserve your time, effort, and energy in 2017.
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HOLIDAY EDITION of Facebook LIVE @ 7:30am to talk more about helping your kids set intentions for a fantastic 2017! CLICK the link. LIKE the page. Get parenting tips that work in the real world!
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It's never too late to start new family traditions, especially around the holidays. Here are some ideas to help your kids approach the holidays with a little more mindfulness and a little less "more, more, more, me, me, me." Even your older kids will get on board (maybe with a few eye-rolls and grumbles, but they'll follow your lead!). Check it out and let me know what you think!
The holidays are literally days away, but there's always time for last minute shopping, right? If you're still looking for the perfect gift for your child (or someone else's), here are some quick thoughts based on my very own Christmas lists of years past and present. Spoiler alert...these are gender neutral, won't leave you longing for ear plugs, and double-dip as kid pleaders and brain builders. Magna-Tiles These are colorful plastic shapes that stick together through the magic of magnets. They're recommended for kids 3-years and up, but when my son got his first set, his older sister (then 9) could not keep her hands off of them! My kids are now 8 and 12 and Magna-Tiles are still a favorite. Parenting thumbs up for being durable, easy to organize/clean up, and quiet (no buzzing, music, or other sounds included). Brain building bonuses: great for creativity, logic, spatial skills and problem solving. Laser Maze Logic Game For older kids (the manufacturer recommends 8 to 15 years), this maze game is a huge hit. Fair warning, it does include a small laser device, but if your child is responsible enough to avoid pointing it at their eye (or someone else's), this puzzle is incredibly exciting and helps kids practice sequencing skills and build planning and organizational abilities. Bonus, it comes with batteries (score!). Castle Logix & Camelot-Jr These games are great for preschool and early elementary school aged children. The wooden pieces are sturdy and this "game" really teaches planning, organization, logic, and problem-solving skills. Once you explain the concept to your child even pre-readers can use the guidebook to choose puzzles that are appropriate and work up to the most challenging items. As a bonus, my kids always loved making up their own games with the castle pieces. Digital camera Full disclosure: I am tired of hearing that my kids need to take a smart phone or an iPad somewhere because they want to take a picture. My solution to this is a sturdy digital camera that will allow older kids to take photos and videos while unplugging. This Polaroid version is my current favorite because it has an option to print small photos immediately. Yes, the photo paper does have to be replaced. But, that provides a great opportunity for kids to exercise selectivity and impulse control and also earn and save money for replacement paper when they run out. Even without the instant print feature, the camera has a standalone digital option so it's still a great find and may very well be wrapped in my closet right now. Etch A Sketch (or the "pencil" and stamp version for younger kids) I love these toys because they allow kids to be creative with minimal cleanup. Don't get me wrong, a lovely artistic mess once in a while is fantastic but these toys allow kids to create while traveling or laying in bed (both times when paint and glue is probably not going to lead anywhere good). Younger kids will love the version that has a "pencil" and stamps which are a bit easier to manage. Older kids will enjoy the challenge of the Etch-a-Sketch which requires greater fine motor skill, precision, and planning. JOIN Dr. Stephanie this week for a special MONDAY EDITION of Facebook LIVE @ 8:45am to talk more about finding the best gift for your child (or any child left on your list!) CLICK the link. LIKE the page. Get parenting tips that work in the real world! |
Stephanie O'Leary, Psy.D.
Sharing practical strategies that help parents rediscover joy in their children (even when someone's crying, the phone is ringing, and it smells like the house may be burning down) Archives
October 2017
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