In this heated election year talking to your kids about politics is pretty much non-negotiable. Even if your son or daughter is not asking direct questions, young minds are definitely tuned in to the presidential race. Kids are trying to make sense of everything they hear, and let’s face it—campaigns and debates don’t always bring out the best in people. This makes your job as a parent critical.
So, how do you help your child sort things out, juggle strong opinions, and navigate some very “adult” topics this fall? Here are five tips to make sure your parenting strategy leads to a win: 1. Listen to what your child has to say. The easy part will be opening your ears. The tough part will be holding your tongue, momentarily, but it’s crucial to give your child a chance to share his or her ideas and questions without immediately launching into a lecture (or possibly a rant). Creating a judgment-free zone for your child will send the message that you really value their point of view. 2. Guide, but don’t push. If your child cites misinformation or parrots headlines without a solid understanding of the issues, take time to review facts and give your child space to draw his or her own conclusions. While the urge to have your child see things from your perspective may be strong, raising a thoughtful consumer of information is the goal. This protects your child from buying into ideas just because someone else tells them to. 3. Send the message that respect is a must. Undoubtedly, campaigns involve some degree of mud slinging. This is a hard concept for kids to accept, especially as they are held to high standards when it comes to combating bullying and treating peers with kindness. Explain that even well educated adults sometimes behave poorly and that communicating respectfully is the best way to be heard. And, don’t tolerate below-the-belt commentary during family conversations. 4. Focus on empowerment. Even though your child may be years away from voting, it’s never too early to talk about being active and involved. Discuss issues that are important to your family, neighborhood, and culture. If possible, take your child with you when you vote at least once. That experience makes a lasting impression and will send the message that participating in the process is something to look forward to. 5. Just say no to hysteria. Adults say all sorts of things out of emotion and most of them are taken with a grain of salt—except if you’re a kid. Kids interpret things more literally and, despite what you might think, they believe most of what their parents say. Be ready to explain that people (maybe yourself included) don’t always mean what they say. So, Aunt Rose is not moving to Canada if this one wins and the country will probably not be destroyed if that one wins. Have more questions about kids and politics? Check out Dr. Stephanie O'Leary's "20-minute Tuesday" Facebook LIVE Video below. 
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Do You Have a Sinking Feeling That Your Child is NOT Okay? 3-Steps to Help You Trust Your Instincts9/19/2016  Have you ever had a nagging hunch that things aren't as great as as they seem for your son or daughter? Maybe your child is acting differently and you're going crazy trying to pinpoint what's wrong. Or, harder still, maybe everything appears to be status quo, but you just can't shake the feeling that something big is brewing under the surface. To make matters worse, there may be a chorus of voices telling you not to worry and leading you to doubt your parenting instincts. Well, I've been there—and it's not fun! In lieu of a crystal ball, here's a 3-step plan that will help you stay sane (and sleep at night) while making sure things never get too far off course for your child: LISTEN TO YOUR GUT Parents have instincts for a reason—to keep kids safe. Anyone who has ever seen a kid blindly running toward the road or heard a child choking from several rooms away knows how fast the urge to save and protect kicks in. It's crucial to trust your instincts even when they pick up on something you can't see or put your finger on. You know your child better than anyone so let go of self-doubt and trust your gut. PAY ATTENTION Keeping your eyes and ears open is the best way to gather facts that can help you help your child. Whatever your concern, having a heart-to-heart with your son or daughter may not be realistic. Instead, follow your child's lead during conversations, be available to hear to whatever they share, and bite your tongue if you're doing more asking than listening. If your child is older, pay attention to their friend group and—in all your spare time—be vigilant about monitoring social media accounts. SPEAK UP Trusting your instincts is one thing, following them is a whole different ball game especially if you have doctors, teachers, family members, or other professionals telling you things are fine. Be respectful but strong when communicating your concerns. Seek a second opinion if you feel you're being dismissed. Talk with supportive people to help you brainstorm and organize your thoughts in a judgement-free zone. One final thought, trusting and following your instincts does not mean you have to become obsessed with your concerns or overwhelmed by potentially catastrophic outcomes. Are there scary possibilities to consider when it comes to raising kids? Yes (thank you Web.MD!), but getting swept away by them distances you from your child, skews your perspective, and gets in the way of you being an effective advocate. As long as you honor your instincts, pay attention to feedback from your child and his/her environment, and voice your concerns you are doing all you can. Trust in these strategies and you'll be prepared to get to the bottom of any hunch you have without losing yourself in the process. Want to talk more and get your Real World parenting questions answered? Join Dr. Stephanie O'Leary's "20-minute Tuesday" Facebook LIVE Parenting Q&A Session. CLICK below. POST your questions. SHARE with friends. TUNE IN for real world answers.   Let's break this equation down: Confident kids believe that they're good at things and that they can succeed. Resilient kids have the ability to bounce back after something bad happens. The way I see it, combining these two traits sets kids up for life. Confidence paves the way for entering new, potentially challenging situations that lead to growth and opportunity. Resilience acts as a safety net and keeps things moving in a positive direction if (or when) things don't turn out so well. This dynamic duo seems to cover all the real world scenarios your child will face while growing up. So, how can you provide your child with the confidence to put his or her best foot forward and the resilience to persevere when faced with disappointment or failure? Here are three powerful parenting tips to make this happen for your child. PRAISE CAREFULLY Parents usually jump on opportunities to praise (me included!). Here's the catch no one talks about, if you praise your child for "being" something (smart, fast, the "best," etc.) or achieving a specific thing (winning, getting 100, being picked for a team) it can backfire. Why? Because kids start to avoid situations unless the are absolutely sure they'll appear smart, fast, or be the best. What can you do? After you gush with high-fives and beam with pride, add a new spin by calling attention to the effort your child put forth. This will encourage perseverance regardless of the scenario or the perceived success rate. Here are some examples of praise that will boost both confidence and resilience with the traits you're praising in BOLD:
BE HONEST Not everyone can be great at everything and that's okay. When you provide accurate feedback you allow your son or daughter to trust in their skills and talents and also become comfortable with things that don't come as naturally. Gently leveling with your child to help her accept personal strengths and "growing edges" will foster both confidence and resilience. Without being too harsh, you can validate that your child finds it easy to solve math problems but has to work harder when it comes to spelling. This sends the message that it's normal to have struggles and being aware of them promotes ownership and helps establish realistic expectations. Final note here, by the time kids reach their elementary school years they will start dismissing parental feedback that's not accurate. Your three-year-old will smile gleefully even if you're lying through your teeth as you say, "Great job sweetie!". Your seven-year-old won't buy it. So, in addition to helping build confidence and resilience, being honest helps you keep your "street cred" as a parent. LET THEM FALL Falling down is an inevitable part of growing up. That said, do you really want to see your child fall, fail, or be distressed? I'm guessing no, and you've probably spent a lot of time and energy preventing this from day one. Rethinking this hard-wired parental urge may be hard, but it's a surefire way to help boost confidence and resilience. Think of it this way, the older your child is when he experiences a proverbial "fall" without you right there to catch, fix, or rescue, the harder it will be for him to cope. I'm not suggesting that you abandon your child or set up an obstacle-course of distress, but hanging back and letting mistakes happen is an important part of building confidence and resilience. Next time you're gearing up to run interference for your child, pause and let him try to find his own way. Offer your support ("I know this is hard and I really think you can handle it"), and if push comes to shove, brainstorm with your child while letting him take the lead. Armed with these three parenting tools you will be on your way to raising confident, resilient kids who are ready to cope with whatever the real world tosses their way. Want to talk more about how to raise unstoppable kids? Join Dr. Stephanie O'Leary for this week's "20-minute Tuesday" Facebook LIVE Parenting Q&A Session. CLICK below. POST your questions. SHARE with friends. TUNE IN for real world answers.  |
Stephanie O'Leary, Psy.D.
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